My Mom is 82. We're 1250 miles apart. We talk almost daily, but I've found we've begun playing the same game. That's the game of not discussing things that make the other person worry. Though I constantly talk about how it is important to talk to me about things, I don't practice what I preach... Neither does my Mom...
A few weeks ago she got a bad mammogram, after 2 weeks of testing, they decided it was nothing--- and Mom decided at 82 she's not going to have another one....I support her decision-- she was so frightened. She didn't tell me until the ordeal was over. I want to fuss and yell-'Why are you telling me now???' but instead - my heart breaks and I tell her, 'I'm so sorry for your pain'....
The week before Thanksgiving she comes down with the Shingles-- again doesn't tell me until a month later....blames it on the doctors scaring her with breast cancer-- you and I know the difference, but I don't argue and tell her I wish I could hug her.
The second week in December we have a conversation, she's gloomy and refuses to get a tree.--
"Mom, you don't have to have a tree to celebrate Christmas, you can still decorate without one, Don't miss out on Christmas-- I wish I was closer."
We talk the day after Christmas-- her only brother has passed away at 87.
'I wish he could have lived to be 90-- Daddy lived to be 90".
"But Momma, he was so sick-- he's not hurting now..."
"I guess you are right.."
We discussed our gifts and the fact that she didn't put up a tree. Again.
"Melanie, You didn't make me any Handwork-- you always make me something.."
Truthfully I didn't think she'd notice. She never really comments on my quilting, even when I send photos or gifts...But I realized something-- I can't control medical tests, or take care of her when she's sick, or getting the silly tree -- but I can do handwork (Her word for quilting).. I spent Last Sunday cutting and stitching. I went to Pinterest and found the block named -'Round the corner..' It seemed to fit. And made her a new table topper.
As fate would have it the backing got tucked up in the quilting process. I thought the label would hide most of it.
A recycled gift was addressed and taken to the post office this morning with a handwritten letter. I can't wait for her to get it....
It's about to be a new year -- I tell her 2015 is going to be great...
11 comments:
Mother's what can I say - my mother worried me to death and drove me crazy at the same time and I still miss her and have not gotten used to her being gone - it has been only 2 1/2 months now. After a certain age I think I will say to hell with the mammograms too - right now I am waiting for the everything is ok letter - any day now. I wish they could let us know immediately
Great post. I have been experiencing much of the same with my mother lately. She is missing her extended family many of them have passed away the past 2 years, and she lives on the west coast and I live in Michigan. We talk almost daily,but I know there are times that she is truly lonely even though she is surrounded by family.
It's so beautiful how the love you both share shines through in this post. 2015 is going to be a wonderful year, I can feel it. Happy New Year!
Hugs
Tazzie
:-)
God Bless both your hearts Melanie! I could just feel the longing to comfort your Mom and feel her hugs coming through your writing. I know it felt so good to put that love into the stitches and send it off to her. Ahhh...quilting is so good like that.
Hello Melanie,
All the best to you and your Mum, Your handiwork will brighten her day.
Happy days.
Bev.
What a beautiful post. Treasure your mom. I'd give my left arm to be able to hear my mom's voice again.
I've been very sick but will write soon. Happy new year, dear friend.
Sending you hugs to wrap you both in, Melanie. Happy New Year
At 72 I find myself doing the same thing. No need to worry the kids until I'm sure there is something to worry about. I too decided to skip my mammogram this year because of a lot of nonsense in last year's. But I will get one next year. This post reminds me how blessed I am to have all my family close. Hugs to you and your mom.
I think that's a common game for those of us with elderly parents ... I know it is for me with my 91 y.o. dad. I'm sure she'll love that quilt.
Yes, as mothers, we want to protect even our adult children from some of our worries. I guess it is part of our makeup.
I am sure your mother will treasure her new
table topper.
Happy New Year, Charlotte
Thank you for sharing your story. I read your pain and frustration. As parents age, it becomes a challenge for us children. I'm in the same boat. What can you do but love them in the present moment! Take care! Cheers!
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